Im at strip club and am horny
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
