fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
