The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
