i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what day is it and did you see me today?
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why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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