Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
