Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
