That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
