that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
