Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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