My brain says no but my pants say off.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
