There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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