oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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