he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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