i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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