party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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