Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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