Im at strip club and am horny
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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