I'm drive I can fine osifer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
