Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
