that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As shirtless as possible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
