I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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