fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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