I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dick very happy bro
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
