Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
