ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
