I'm so fucking centered right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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