There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You are the jesus of drinking
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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