the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
