I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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