I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
40s are totally the cure
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete