Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.