she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.