There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
