I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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