i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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