now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
