I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
