I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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