Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
