I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
