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he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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