He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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