Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
