Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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