people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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