Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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