FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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