I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bring me that man meat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
