She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize