Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
