you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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