We won't sleep together?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
