if you like me you must not know who I am
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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