That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
