dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
