he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
