wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's Friday. Sex?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
