i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
