Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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