Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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