I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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