Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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