i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
