he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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